Best Picture Nominee Recap (maybe #1 in a series)

BAILBONDSMAN (acting like a shitheel): Girl, you either find yoah daddy or I’m taking over yoah house.

GIRL: Shit!

*

GIRL: You gots to help me, Cousin Pearline!

PEARLINE: Y’all’s git off mah porch afore I sick mah hawgs on ye.

GIRL: Shit!

*

UNCA TEARDROP (a total psycho): Fuck you, ya little bitch!

GIRL: That’s a cute name—“Teardrop”. It makes me kinder sympathetic to ya, in a funny subliminal kinder way.

*

PEARLINE: I thought I tolds you to git off’n mah porch!

(slaps Girl around some)

GIRL: Shit!

PEARLINE: Now git in that rowboat!

GIRL: What th—Why’s do I got to wear this hood? It bein’ pitch dark in a swamp an’ all.

PEARLINE: If you don’t shet up, we ain’t gonna let you cut your Daddy’s hands off in a symbolic maturity ritual.

GIRL: Oh, give me the freaking saw already.

*

PEARLINE: Now take yer Daddy’s hands and git!

GIRL: Gee, thanks, I guess.

UNCA TEARDROP: See there? We’ze nice folks after all! Want a chaw?

GIRL: I knew it! I seen you on Deadwood, Mister!

BAILBONDSMAN: Hey, I’m a nice guy, too. Here’s a lot of money to prove it.

UNCA TEARDROP: Bet you didn’t see that comin’.

BAILBONDSMAN (proudly): That’s what you call a dee-us ex machine-a.

GIRL: God, I hope it’s enough to move to Joplin…

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