BAILBONDSMAN (acting like a shitheel): Girl, you either find yoah daddy or I’m taking over yoah house.
GIRL: You gots to help me, Cousin Pearline!
PEARLINE: Y’all’s git off mah porch afore I sick mah hawgs on ye.
UNCA TEARDROP (a total psycho): Fuck you, ya little bitch!
GIRL: That’s a cute name—“Teardrop”. It makes me kinder sympathetic to ya, in a funny subliminal kinder way.
PEARLINE: I thought I tolds you to git off’n mah porch!
(slaps Girl around some)
PEARLINE: Now git in that rowboat!
GIRL: What th—Why’s do I got to wear this hood? It bein’ pitch dark in a swamp an’ all.
PEARLINE: If you don’t shet up, we ain’t gonna let you cut your Daddy’s hands off in a symbolic maturity ritual.
GIRL: Oh, give me the freaking saw already.
PEARLINE: Now take yer Daddy’s hands and git!
GIRL: Gee, thanks, I guess.
UNCA TEARDROP: See there? We’ze nice folks after all! Want a chaw?
GIRL: I knew it! I seen you on Deadwood, Mister!
BAILBONDSMAN: Hey, I’m a nice guy, too. Here’s a lot of money to prove it.
UNCA TEARDROP: Bet you didn’t see that comin’.
BAILBONDSMAN (proudly): That’s what you call a dee-us ex machine-a.
GIRL: God, I hope it’s enough to move to Joplin…